Rest Hour - a Primer

Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Staying Centered, Finding Balance

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they stay centered and find balance. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I regularly hear the mothers’ “I’m so tired” song. “I can’t ever take a breather.” “How do you do it with three?” The chorus continues: “How can I possibly take time for myself?” I can definitely fall into that same mentality. As an introvert (ISFJ if you’re into that kind of stuff), To function at my best, I need a day that has at least some structure, I need some alone/quiet time, and I need to be able to putter around a bit without being asked “why” a gazillion times. Enter: Rest Hour.

My kids are 8 (in school most of the day), 4 (preschool 9:00-11:15) and 17months. Things such as structure and quiet time must be imposed, because they are NOT inclined to happen on their own! So every day after lunch is when the toddler naps, and the bigger kid(s) have rest hour if they’re home. They each choose a room and play in it. Quietly. Without destroying things. We all feel better afterwards.

If you have a need similar to this, I’ll be glad to share how we got to this point.  Too often I hear mothers say they tried having a rest hour and it turned into a nightmare for them.  I imagine it would if you simply told your child to stay in their room for an hour with no other teaching.  Remember, the goal is for the parent to get a breather, and for the child to recharge his/her batteries as well.  How they spend their time matters.  Below is the process we followed.  Your child(ren) will undoubtedly need something that’s a bit different.  Use your best judgment, and tweak it along the way.

1. Explain what rest hour is and why it matters. Be sure to stay age-appropriate with this.  Know that a rational explanation is not going to give them the skills to actually do it.
2. Set aside special toys. Having specific toys that are appropriate for independent use, and that can be reserved primarily for rest hour, gives the child something to do with his/her time, especially in the beginning or if s/he’s not used to playing independently.  When our son was three he had lacing cards, a magnetic puzzle, some cars, and a peg board.  We learned that anything with a lot of pieces got rolled all around the room making it hard to clean up, so we really limited that.  He did, however, have a box of dress-up clothes and shoes, and often selected a special car or truck to bring upstairs with him.
3. Include a “tuck-in” time – before rest hour starts, we sit on the couch and read a story together.  I walk each child up to their chosen room and help them select some toys.  We review the rules.  I tell them I love them and look forward to playing with them again after rest hour is all done.  My Oldest does best when she knows what the plan is after rest hour.  My Middle One doesn’t need to know that – it just makes him want to skip the rest hour part!
4. Do a practice-run. Have the child play in their room for five minutes.  Make sure they know your expectations.  Ours are: stay in your room except to use the potty, no throwing, no playing with the windows.  Show them their special toys, close the door, and leave them to play.  Gently redirect them back into their room if they come out, “remember? We’re practicing rest hour.  The rules are to stay in your room.  I will come get you in a few minutes when it’s over.”  As soon as your child is engaged in something (ie: is doing what s/he should be during rest hour), come get him/her.  “Rest hour is all done, you chose to play with the pegs!  Shall we clean them up now or shall we play with them some more?”   Or whatever type of acknowledgment works for you.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Soon, your child will be happily playing independently for an hour (or more, if you lose track of the time!).  Remember to not get into power struggles about this, and to not expect to be able to put your feet up (or do a million chores, or whatever else you’re hoping to spend the time doing) until your child really gets it and is happy to do it.  You’re not withdrawing your love for that hour, you are helping preserve the sanity of your family.  Use your best judgment if your child comes out.  Be consistent, kind and loving.

These days, we have pretty great rest hours.  Both the 8- and the 4-year old now choose what room they’d like to be in and what they’d like to do.  They play with trains, barbies (sigh… I know…), blocks, legos, dress-up.  They color, read books, or stare out the window for an hour.  Lately, our Middle One (4) has been a bit out of sorts and has built a fort in the living room, spending his rest hour in there while I sit nearby and read a book.  That bit of connection has proven vital for him, and he happily hangs out in his fort.  We time it so that the Little One naps while they have rest hour.  And I?  I put my feet up, read blogs, do 15 minutes of uninterrupted chores, and sometimes take a little nap.

 

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated October 12 with all the carnival links.)

• Balance — Sheila at A Gift Universe has put her baby first — and has no regrets. (@agiftuniverse)
• A Moment for Mama — Starr at Earth Mama has learned how to recharge on the run, so she doesn’t miss a moment with her children.
• Take a 30-Minute or 5-Minute Me-Break — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now discusses the merits of taking small daily breaks to maintain balance. (@DebChitwood)
• Achieving Balance — In a guest post at the new Natural Parents Network, Heather explains how yoga has helped her find balance in her personal and family life.
  (@NatParNet)
• A Stitch in (Quiet) Time Saves Momma’s Mind — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma didn’t realize she needed “me” time — until she got it and had no idea what to do with herself. (@kitchenwitch)
• Attachment Parenting and Balance — Michelle at The Parent Vortex believes that the last item on the “attachment parenting” list is both the most important and the most overlooked. (@TheParentVortex)
• Little Breaks Bring a Little Balance — Jen at Grow with Graces finds balance – some days! (@growwithgraces)
• Finding Balance — Are you a Type A mama? Dionna at Code Name: Mama is, and she needs your help to find balance. (@CodeNameMama)
• (high)Centered — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has had a spa gift certificate sitting on her nightstand since last year, a symbol of her inability to take time for herself.
• Taking Time for Me — Marita at Stuff With Thing takes refuge in the world of books, with her daughters immersed in reading beside her. (@leechbabe)
• Writing as a parent: October Carnival of Natural Parenting — Lauren at Hobo Mama didn’t let parenting put her passions on hold. (@Hobo_Mama)
• The Dance of Balance — Balance isn’t static. It is dynamic, it is a dance, it is about keeping in touch with you. Read this wonderful bit of wisdom from Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante. (@seonaid_lee)
• Rest Hour — a Primer — Do you get 15 minutes to yourself each day? How about an hour?! Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments shares her tips on how to incorporate a “rest hour” for adults and kids.
• Separation Is Critical — Only through enforced separation with the end of her marriage did Jessica at This is Worthwhile realize she should have taken time apart all along. (@tisworthwhile)
• Bread, Roses, and a Side of Guilt. — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy isn’t ashamed to admit that she enjoys a pint once in awhile, or that her daughter recreates it during pretend play.

• The World from Within My Arms — Rachael at The Variegated Life finds balance despite her work and her husband’s commitment to art through attachment parenting. (@RachaelNevins)
• Balancing the Teeter-Totter — Rebecca is rediscovering balance by exploring her interests and passions in several different categories. She shares in this guest post at The Connected Mom. (@theconnectedmom)
• Balancing this Life — Danielle at born.in.japan is slowly learning the little tricks that make her family life more balanced. (@borninjp)
• Uninterrupted Parenting — Amy at Innate Wholeness has learned that she does not need to interrupt parenting in order to find balance.
• Knitting for My Family — Knitting is more than just a hobby for Kellie at Our Mindful Life, it is her creative and mental outlet, it has blessed her with friendships she might not otherwise have had, and it provides her with much-needed balance.
• Taking the Time — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker has all the time she needs, now her girls are just a bit older.
• Please, Teach Me How — Amy at Anktangle needs your help: please share how you find time for yourself, because she is struggling. (@anktangle)
• A Pendulum Swings Both Ways — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment found herself snapping with too little time for herself, and then veered toward too much.
• Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom)
• At Home with Three Young Children: The Search for Balance, Staying Sane — With three young kids, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings knows parents sometimes have to adjust their expectations of how much downtime they can reasonably have. (@sunfrog)
• Attachment Parenting? And finding some “Me Time” — As a mother who works full time, Momma Jorje wants “me” time that includes her daughter.
• A Balancing Act — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes has concrete ways to help keep centered with a little one and a new baby on the way, from exercise to early bedtimes to asking for help. (@sheryljesin)
• Aspiring Towards Libra — Are your soul-filling activities the first to be pushed aside when life gets hectic? Kelly of KellyNaturally.com aspires to make time for those “non-necessities” this year. (@kellynaturally)
• SARKisms for Sanity — Erica at ChildOrganics has found renewed inspiration to take baths and laugh often from a book she had on the shelf. (@childorganics)

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