Before writing the previous post, I’d actually sat down to write this (much happier!!) post. I guess I needed to get that experience off my chest first though.
Yesterday, we finally received the Surrenders of Parental Rights from the second birth parent! This means that we can now proceed with telling the children about their “forever plan,” finalize the post-placement reports, and file for the actual adoption. These documents are irrevocable and official. We are so grateful!
This actually feels surreal though. The decision was first made by the birth mother over a year ago. Then the birthdad needed until August to agree to it (we pushed for stability but worked hard to not push him into this specific plan). In August we were ecstatic knowing that he at least agreed, but we also know that he has shown himself to be unreliable and unstable before, changing his mind frequently. So we guarded our hearts. We asked God to allow us to love the children as our own, while holding the knowledge that one day they might be placed elsewhere. God did make that possible. We’ve loved on them like crazy, we’ve waited (sometimes patiently) for every step of this process so far, even when it was painfully slow and/or small.
In many ways this is the moment we’d been waiting for: the moment where the only obstacles between us and finalization is a bunch of paperwork and waiting for the court date. Now that it’s here, I realize that there’s nothing I’ll do differently as a result. I’ll keep on loving, I’ll keep on parenting. The only change now is that I’ll have to pray to God to dislodge the caution, small and way deep down, that this may no’t happen after all. We’ve had to hold on to that possibility for so long that it’s wedged in real tight and hard to even separate from any of the other feelings I hold. That’s the next step. But today is a day to put aside all my plans for the future, and instead to relish the sweetness that our children will finally be our children, and the beauty of knowing that they will have the opportunity to find continued healing and unconditional love in our home.